Friday Flash 55 ~ Checkmate AND Weekend Reflection

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Flash 55
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I have discovered that online dating is like playing a chess match. I never was very good at chess.

  

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Weekend Reflection
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This was a a "bad photo" from a birthday dinner on a cruise ship. I have never deleted it as something about the lights and shadowy, almost ghostlike, figures have always grabbed me. It now has a rightful place to be displayed. How many people do you see? Enlarge to see them all. A little spooky.

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Hope everyone has a great weekend. 

 

P.S. Update is coming soon.

Weekend Reflection ~ Focused Fisherman

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Weekend Reflection
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While the reflections are simply sailboat masts and shadows, it was the face of the focused fisherman as he was baiting a hook, that I shot the picture for. This was taken in the early morning light in Sanary-Sur-Mer, France.

Friday Flash 55 ~ Wounded Bird

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Flash 55
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The 55 below is a poem I wrote for my son. I have had a very emotion-filled 24 hours and this Friday Flash 55 rolled off my pen in less than 2 minutes. I didn't count the words, I just wrote from my heart. When I was finished all I needed was to add one more word. The story behind the poem is the post below: That Feeling in Your Gut ~ A Prayer for My Son. I am asking for your prayers for him today.

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Be grateful for the people in your life. Tell them you love them often. Be their shoulder when they need one. Take care of yourself so you can care for them when they are in need.

That Feeling in Your Gut ~ A Prayer for My Son

I have come to the conclusion that my Higher Power resides in my gut. 

It took me a long time to complete Step 3. I had some real struggles connecting the dots. And I did a lot of complaining ~ at meetings ~ out loud. I didn't deem it "fair" that in turning my life and will over to the care of my HP I didn't, in return, get post-it notes or neon flashing signs indicating exactly what HP's will might be for me. How in the hell is a girl of little faith supposed to know? It was explained to me by my sponsor, "Karis, that is what faith is ~ trusting that you will know". Well, well then ~ perhaps it isn't some esoteric concept after all. Yeah, right.

Call it intuition, a feeling, a hunch, an instinct ~ hell, call it a psychic phenomenon if you wish. The last 2 days I have just not felt right with my world. There has been no pinpointing of where my angst has come from, but my gut just hasn't felt right.

Yesterday I found myself reaching out in ways that are out of the ordinary for me. Firstly, I used my cell phone to make two international phone calls (something that I NEVER do because of the cost ~ I use Skype) to Hubby #1 and my mom. My message to Hubby #1 was to please phone because I haven't heard from any of the kids in 10 days and I had "a feeling". To my mom, I was returning a call ~ one I could have done from my computer, but I had a sense of urgency and need to hear her voice. Secondly, I sent an e-mail to Ex-Beau that I wouldn't have ordinarily sent. Just a quick note to let him know he had been on my mind all day, which he had ~ though I wasn't sure why nor do I send notes like that to him anymore. Lastly, I found myself on my computer, kind of zoned out and playing games, much later than I have allowed myself since my return. I finally shut it down about 1am (past my established and until-last-night-kept-to bedtime). 

As I headed up to bed, something gnawed at me that caused me boot up the computer, one last time, and check Facebook. In the time it took to ready myself for bed, Hubby #1 (unwittingly on his Wall and without ever receiving my earlier message) posted a very disturbing message. It was meant to be a private e-mail, but he's evidently not well versed in the proper usage of the social network. At any rate, an immediate phone call ensued and so went the next 3 hours for me, vacillating between states of grief, numbness, shock and dismay. Son #2 (who I have spoken about in my early posts when he was visiting me in Milan) had another very drunken episode late Monday night/Tuesday morning in which he became extremely depressed and despondent. It took his roommate and Willow to break into his room to prevent him from hanging himself.

I do not post these words lightly, needless to say. I share them openly because this is where the disease of alcoholism can take us ~ young, old, rich, poor, male, female and so on and so on. My 22-year old son knows he is an alcoholic; however, he has not been ready to stop his behavior. This is not his first suicide attempt nor heart-wrenching incident as a result of his drinking. I can only pray it will be his last.

He was somber when we spoke. I could hear the unease in his voice, the vacant feeling of knowing you need to do something ~ but not wanting to or knowing how because what you really desire is that crystal ball to know it will all turn out okay. He is so very much his mother's son and I can identify with him on many levels. Perhaps this is why my heart aches so very much for him. I feel and know his pain.

My gut, my Higher Power, has guided me the past couple of days. I have been where I needed to be, when I needed to be there. Everything was aligned and all I needed to do was "show up" and have faith. And now I will pray. I will pray that my son will find his path and that someday he too will have a connection with a G-d of his understanding...perhaps something in his gut that will be reminiscent of a post-it note or neon flashing sign.

It is with great humility and gratitude that I share with you my words today. I am incredibly thankful for my program of recovery and all that it has brought into my life.

P.S. Please say a prayer for my son.

Wordless Wednesday

As most of you know, I have great difficulty being wordless, but today I give it a gallant effort. I had planned on more for the day but alas, it is already over, so I leave you with photos instead. The pictures below are from my visit with my kittens that I had to give for adoption when I moved here. My how they have grown. My nail technician in Sarasota graciously gave them a home and boy-oh-boy are they ever spoiled! I am so thankful to she and her children for loving and caring for Pace and Puma. There is no doubt they have been placed well. I was able to play with them for about an hour while I was back in town. Enjoy!

Pace is ALL lap cat

 

Pace's tail rivals most feather dusters

 

Puma is quite the squirmy kitty

 

Regal King Puma

Dating in Milan

I am ready to begin dating again. It has been 8 months since my relationship with Ex-Beau ended, and I am in “move on” mode. It appears that dating in a foreign country with very limited language skills is proving difficult however, and I have had to resort to [gasp] an online dating site. Prior to my holiday in the US, I did have a few dates with TramMan ~ who began as a language exchange partner. Unfortunately, as a date, I felt there was no chemistry between us. Once I told him I preferred that we remain friends, it was the last I heard of him. C’est la vie.

I was having a conversation with some of my friends at Benvenuto Club and a particular website was mentioned. I had checked out the few I knew of in the states and posted a profile on those to no avail, seems there is very little international traffic on them. Evidently there is a much more frequented site here in Italy. And so, up went my profile accompanied by photos and a strong message that I am looking for a quality relationship and not casual sex. I explained this in English and in my very best Italian. Perhaps I need a better translator!

First came Fabio, from Switzerland. He came to fetch me from his home for lunch. We ended up back in Lugano and when I didn’t immediately wish to get naked with him, he took me to a friends’ home for a party. I had a great time, met new and interesting people and had a great meal. Afterwards, the attempt for sex was made again. I’m not even sure Fabio was his real name…I’m thinking “Viper”. I got home by bus and that was it from Viper ~ good riddance.

Next came Luca from a town close to my own. We chatted quite a bit on the website before we had a date. He took me to a very nice restaurant and we had a long stroll around town looking for gelato. He was very kind, and though we struggled to manage any lengthy conversation, had an enjoyable evening. I was set to leave for the states 2 days later and we had planned on reconvening when I returned to Milan. We shared a lovely kiss at the front entrance to my complex where I told him I didn’t need him to walk me to my front door. Not a peep from Luca.

Now there is another. For purposes of anonymity, I will call him Cub. Cub found me on the website and followed with several e-mails. We later became Facebook friends and while I was in Sarasota, chatted several times and decided that we had enough in common to meet when I returned. Our conversations were easy and comfortable. Though he is Italian, he was raised in NYC and his first language is English. That is a big bonus ~ I think. We decided that our first date would be on Wednesday, giving me a few days to recover from jet lag. Just 12 hours after I arrived in Milan, we changed our minds and met for about 20 minutes. Boy, am I glad we did. Mama Mia. Before our first “official date” on Wednesday, we saw each other four times. We have clicked. There is a bit of magic. Could this be “the one”?

Okay, I admit ~ I am a bit of a romantic and, damn this rigorous honesty, a love junkie. I get carried away quickly when it appears someone is fond of me. It is a character defect of mine I am working on. Cub has been sick for the past four days, so only text messages have passed between us. As such, I was left with a bit of extra time on my hands. I heed my friends’ advice when they suggest doing my due diligence when dating someone I don’t know either personally or through a mutual source. (Ex-Beau came with great references…he and his ex-wife were friends of my parents for 28 years. Hell, they were guests at my wedding reception when I married Hubby #2 14 years ago, but I digress).

Back to Cub, aptly named because of the 12-year age difference between us. Or so I thought. I am pretty good at researching my potential dates when given just enough information. I hate that it seems necessary to “check someone out” and not just take them at face value. But times, they are a’changin’. A Google search has revealed some discrepancies. It appears that my Cub has, for some unknown reason, padded his age ~ to what degree, I am not sure.

Now, I will state for the record that I do believe age is just a number; however, as the number increases, so do many things: experience, wisdom (one would hope), life’s challenges and triumphs. Based on the time we have already spent together, I believed the 36 I was told as Cub is well read, well traveled, sophisticated, and professional. Whether he is 26, 36 or 46, I am smitten with him there is no doubt, nor any changing it. I am simply disappointed that he has begun this dating process with an untruth. For now, I will just keep my eyes and ears open for any additional red flags that may be raised. I enjoy his company and intend on keeping it for the time being.

Damn, I hate this dating shit. Is there a nunnery somewhere? Oh, I should be careful what I wish for…I am in Italy after all.

I will keep you all posted. In the meantime, this Cougar has to get to work.

P.S. My quote of the day on my Facebook page: "I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman." ~ Anais Nin

Weekend Reflection ~ Action on the Court

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Weekend Reflection
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It has been so gloomy since I returned to Milan that I had to go back through my archives of photos for this weeks entry. As a tennis player myself, I was thrilled to go to my first big event a couple of years ago ~ the Sony Ericsson in Key Biscayne. Below is a great shot of one of my favorite players to watch ... Richard Gasquet of France. He won this match, but lost in the next round. He is a player that leaps high on a regular basis making a great shadowy reflection on those sunny Florida days.

This next shot is part sensuous, part self-promotion. It is a shot that I staged for a particular Friday Flash 55 (Awakening). I also used the photograph for the cover of my book, Winter Nights by The Fire ~ A Collection of Poetry. I entered this book into a contest that is nearing its end of public voting. Top prize is $800. While I have garnered a good number of votes, I am looking for more support. Won't you please stop over and give it a read? You can click on the jacket cover to the right. Thank you for your support in my beginning efforts as a writer!

Hope the balance of your weekend is a good one.